Sunshine :)

Today is an amazing day.  NO, not because I woke up to my favorite person ever (although that does make any day wonderful).  Not because I got to eat at a diner and have great food.  Not because I watched a movie with a few friends, or because I”m actually being productive…

Today is a great day because it is sunny.

Sunshine is my best friend.  Thanks to seasonal depression, I am usually in a funk during the winter.  Well… with winter ending and the sun emerging, I can feel myself doing all that much better.  Today was warm and relatively sunny so I am super happy.

The sunshine is amazing.  I love it 🙂

Plenty of things to do, but an unwillingness to do them

As my title states, I have plenty of things to do.  i could start on that outline for reading.  I could make flashcards for Assessment.  I could do my giant amount of graph paper math homework.  I could do paperwork, or clean, or polish my nails because the polish is chipping.  However, all I want to do right now… is nothing.  Or … not really nothing, but just simple things like make my lunch and read my book.

I just started reading The Time Traveler’s Wife again.  I love this book.  This book is beautiful and gorgeous and I absolutely adore in a way that I cannot fathom.  I read it and the words almost sing to me.  That’s how much I love this book.  It also comes with some of my favorite quotes such as ” My apartment is basically a couch, an armchair, and about four thousand books.”  This quote is just… in a way, so picturesque without having to try.  I can easily imagine it.  A small place with a green velvet couch, a maroon colored armchair with coffee stains on it.  There are literally thousands of books.  Some on shelves, others stacked in piles on the floor.  Some hide underneath the chair and some lean on the legs of the couch.  It just sounds perfect to me.

Back to my unwillingness to do things.  I can’t tell if it’s the mono, the February Blahs, or just being lazy.  I just a math response so I feel a little bit less like a bum.  Now I need to make lunch and probably take a nap somewhere in there before I dive into the huge amount of homework that’s waiting.  It’s not huge, but I would rather start it now before things start getting crazy.

What I’d really like to try to do today is finish the first chapter of a story I started over the weekend.  I think I might be able to now, I just needed a little push or so.  Hopefully I will post it up here and see what you guys think.  But first, I need to send it off to my editor (Bass Man)  to see what he thinks.  It’s been a while since I’ve concretely tried writing anything.  I just end up feeling so bad about not finishing shit….

I would like to admit that I think I made the greatest playlist ever.   It just went from Chasing Cars to The Final Countdown.  I love it 🙂

Alright, so more on my rants, I really want some money to buy new clothes from Modcloth.  I am not usually in the mood to buy new clothes, but they are so cute.  There’s this sweater with the word lover on it in a little red heart.  Then there’s a red cotton skirt that would go with it along with some tights and my chucks.  There there’s these high rise jeans that look absolutely banging, that I could wear with the white polka dotted shirt or the black one or the green and yellow plaid.  Don’t get me started on the shoes, there’s a gray pair with subtle little faces on them and a yellow and white striped pair of flats and I want it all.  It’s really pricey though and I am ranting.

I think it’s time for lunch and nap.  Be back in a while, perhaps with a story or a poem!

Dragging

Today, I am dragging.

Despite getting a lot of sleep, I still feel exhausted.  I know this is from Mono and the winter blues and the emotional hangover I’ve got from this funeral, but I am tired.  I’m tired of being tired.

I’m hoping by tonight I’ll be feeling better, because Call Me Maybe and a really good friend of mine are coming over since I’m making soup.  I really do just want to feel better.

Here’s hoping.

A book filled week

Hello again,

Once more I’m going to have to apologize for the sincere lack of posts that continue to plague my blog.  My laptop is in the shop and needs a new hard drive, so I am currently on a spare computer at my house.  Classes start back up in two weeks or so and while I am excited to have all my friends back on campus I don’t know how I feel about have a six class semester.  I haven’t had a six class semester in a year.  I had a year and a half of full semesters and I have had my best grades in those semesters.  I’m hoping that the same trend will follow this semester.

Let’s see, what else is new is my life?  My boyfriend gave me my Christmas present yesterday.  He took me to this book store where everything was discounted and not only can you buy books, but you can also return books you’ve already read and get store credit.  I have a problem with buying too many books and this place is wonderful.  Stacked up to the ceiling with books upon books of all sorts of genres.  I adore it.  I have about ten books to read, plus a few to reread.  I’m hoping to finish the majority of them before school starts.

I’e also been perusing my menus to a healthier winter diet from my Seasonal Depression book.  Some of these recipes look really tasty, I am thinking about doing a few of them either at home or at school.  I can’t wait for that.  The diet in the book isn’t exactly a diet, but kind of is.  People with SAD, winter blues, or February Blahs, tend eat more carbs in the winter time, we crave them.  This diet doesn’t cut out carbs (cause that shit is crazy, I could not live without a bagel once in a while) but it helps limit them and find the right kind of carbs.  It’s really interesting.  🙂

Ah, yes, my epic evening out on Friday.  I have been wanting to say write this up for days, however, lack of a lap top means less writing for me.  So, on Friday I went and saw my friend Horsing Around in her band at bar.  She and the band were amazing!  She plays the violin, it is fantastic.  However, the band didn’t need her for all the song so she spent a lot of her down time mingling with her family and friends who had all shown up to support her.  I went with the boyfriend and Pretty in Pink.  She came over earlier and we had kind of a girly time watching House and doing nails and make up and hair and such.  I wore this great top that Amy Pond gave me, it’s got a band around the neck and it’s sleeveless and has a key hole above my cleavage and it has this funky red white and black floral pattern and it makes me look good.  I had that, my black back up boots (bar means most likely dirty, so older boots can take it) and some dark denim.  My boyfriend grabbed me while Pretty in Pink finished her make up and told me I looked beautiful.  I felt all warm and fuzzy after that.  He even lent me his leather jacket cause all I had was a little cropped silk one.  So we get to the bar and find a spot towards the upper half of it, closer to the stage.

Now, here’s comes the fun part.  Horsing Around is really good friend with my ex.  And, that’s fine by me.  It’s because of my ex that Horsing Around and I are friends.  However, when she invited me to this concert, she explicitly told me that he and his new girlfriend would be there.  She knows me well enough to know that I would never start something on her night.  My ex thought I’d get super wasted and try to hurt his precious little girlfriend.  Ha, ha ha, and I thought my jokes were bad.  So we get there and I watch to see if he arrives, all the while sipping at my single drink of the night.  He does show up and after confirming it’s him in the back half of the bar, I turn and face the stage or talk to my boyfriend.  I refuse to make contact with him the entire night.

My boyfriend, sweetheart that he is, spent the entire night next to me.  He held me, kissed me, whispered in my ear and held me up so I could take pictures of the band.  Perfectly dutiful.  He does that normally, but there was a possessiveness in the bar. He wanted to make my ex see that I had moved on, especially since my boyfriend and my ex have some history.  It was wonderful.  I may be kind and sweet to those I love, but cross me once and I will be a vengeful bitch.  My ex left early and my night was fantastic.  I made a few new friends and made plans for Pretty in Pink’s birthday.

Ahhh, that’s better.  Finally got all of that out in writing.

So, today, I shall try and post another  prompt and perhaps a picture of two.

Hello Inner Klutz, it’s been a few days

Hi there inner klutz, no please, just sit.  If you keep wandering around you’re more likely to break something else. *crash*  sigh…

Well. I hadn’t really done anything heinously kltuzy.  Although I have a few bruises, those pop up whenever I bump into things so I don’t count that.

I wanted to go into the basement and sit and use my laptop.  I need to use my laptop in the basement because it’s the only other place in the house with three pronged outlets.  I didn’t bring home my adapter because I was under the impression that I was going back to my college apartment in a few days.  Not anymore!  My dad has a hernia and he’s getting surgery soon which means I have to stay here and help out.  Which means I don’t know if I”ll be able to see my pre schoolers on friday, so I am attempting to schedule a meeting with them on Wednesday.  I really want to see them.  Those kids really do make my life better.

But I have to be here or Mom will yell about how I’m not helping or I’m in the way or something.

Back to the story.

Without my adapter my laptop needs to charge in the living room or in the basement.  I went to take it from the living room to the basement because the basement is nice and quiet and in my haste I did not see that my father charger cord for his laptop was tangled with mine.  So I tried to take my charger and BAM!  His laptop came tumbling down.

Fuck.

He just gave me this really horrible look and told me that if I broke his laptop, I was paying for it.  I did not break it.  It was fine.

I’m just upset.  And I know he’s stressed out about the surgery, no one likes going under the knife.  I know.  I know Mom is cracking because she hates this time of year.  I know my brother is… well… fine strangely enough.  The tension from my parents though is killing me and all I want to do is grab my guy and cuddle and cry until i feel less like breaking apart at the seams.

Damn you Winter blues and accompanying mood swings.

Damn you inner klutz!

No stop!*crash, bam, smack*

Maybe you should just stop moving.  Even then, she’d still break something

Winter Blues Problems 1

Ugh, this is why I stay in bed.

The Winter Blues make me so worried about everything.  Every little last thing worries me.  If you have a conflict with me, then it’s going to cause at least twice the stress of the average conflict because this time of year makes me crazy.  If there’s stress in the house or the apartment, then as an empathetic person I hold on to it.  It makes me sad and crazy because my hold over my own emotions is so tenuous.  That’s why I like happy people, they make me happy.

I woke up early and now all I want to do is sleep.  Perhaps I’ll fit in a nap between running around and visiting people.

Cuddles, I desire cuddles

Chilled to the bone

Despite the blankets

the robe, the sweat pants,

even the yellow hat

I am still chilly

Cold in my house

My laptop humming away

Coffee long since drunk

My body still craves heat

Under the covers

In your arms

I do not like the cold

I prefer warmth

Like summer heat

that I find in your embrace

Or in the middle of July

Where all I need to wear

is shorts and a bikini

So be content

Warm, not chilled

Fuck this cold weather

A little lounge on campus

I have found a small area of peace on North Campus.

At my college, we have a North campus and a South campus.  I live on South campus, in a series of apartments owned by the university.  South campus consists of several apartment complexes, a small store, several parking lots, a health and science building, and our football field, as well as a variety of other sports fields and a nature walk area.

North campus is where all of the traditional dormitories are and where the class buildings are.  There’s the student center and several places to eat.  North campus is also where my ex and his new girlfriend tend to reside, as both of them have dormitories in the buildings on North.

So, I tend to spend most of my time on South campus, in my apartment with my little cat and my two best friends/ roommates, and the one really f*cking crazy one.

Today, however, I found a place of reprieve on North campus.  There is a lounge on the third floor of the student center.  It’s quiet and warm and is full of windows.  Sunshine is important to me because of all the winter blues and things like that.  It’s quiet and there are couches and arm chairs.  You can sleep in peace or do homework or read or whatever you think you’d like to do that is relatively silent.

I have another place I like to go, but Starbucks is different.  That has a very specific hipster, college student feel to it.  There’s too much hustle and bustle, although the smell of caffeine brewing is indescribable (more like heaven really).  I also am doing my best to not run into my stupid ex.  So I do my best avoid places where he tends to be.

This lounge though… he has his room and his new girlfriend’s place and all the lounges in their two buildings.  I have this little space on North where I know to be safe.  Calm.  Quiet.  Safe.

Here I can read, write, type, sleep, breathe.

Disney Girl at heart

I shall warn you all now… I was brought up with Disney and I will most likely die with Disney.

So I was having mood swings, stereotypical of the winter blues, and thought… I just really need something to cheer me up.  So I went to youtube.  I went through a few stereotypical videos that make me laugh.  Then I found this

I loved the Princess Diaries movies, both of them.  They were both amazing.  But this song… I feel so alright with it.  I love it.  Because it’s true.  Not only am I amazing, as is every woman, but one day there will be a guy who appreciates just as I am.

I feel a bit better.  Expect some Disney posts in a bit.

I feel better now

I had a moment today where i just suddenly felt very low and very down.  I listened to some sad country music and some sad show tunes.  I took a cold shower and then i wrote that poem I put up not too long ago.
I feel better after writing it.  It helps me when I write.  It’s a release.  It’s cathartic, even if I’m writing about something that isn’t precisely what I need. Writing is good.  Writing is great.

Expect more poems people, I’m in a writing mood.