So I schedule for classes at college in about… an hour and a half. I’m a little worried that all of my classes will some how fill before then. I know that probably isn’t the case, but that doesn’t necessarily stop me from worrying. however, my fear of not getting my classes is not what this post is about.
My fear… this is kind of a silly fear, but it’s a fear I’ve had for a very long time. I fear throwing up. I can’t stand it. I would rather get blood drawn or hang out with all of the people I despise than puke. Why? Why do I hate is so vehemently?
When I was three, yes I can remember that far back, I had a nasty stomach bug that only reacted when I had milk. Other dairy products, like cheese or yogurt, did not affect me, just straight milk. So I haven’t had milk since. When I was seven, I got another stomach bug in the summertime. I ended up puking in my local library. To my seven year old self, after I got better, this logic stayed. If I didn’t eat, then I wouldn’t have anything to throw up. So I went through a period were I ate very little and food gave me a lot of anxiety. It took several years, but I have done so much in conquering my food anxiety. I still have get attacks once in a while, but they usually only last through the winter and fall season. However, when someone who lives with me or whom i work with gets sick, I panic. I freak out and start trying to calm down and relax, but it’s really difficult for me to do. The panic takes over and I’m fucked for the day.
Amy Pond got sick last night. I don’t think she has the flu or anything, just some food poisoning because she has no other flu symptoms. Which means it’s not contagious which means I should not be panicking. Yet, I am.
Let’s hope I can calm down and keep myself under moderate ease until I’m done scheduling.