Grades and why I feel like they don’t matter as much

This is the lovely time of year when the grades are posted after finals.

My grades you ask?  Why I got a B-, B, B+, and an A.  For me, that is literally like… good for me, especially since I had mono at the beginning of the semester and missed the first and part of the second week.  I think that all things considered, I am ok with my grades.  I did good enough, my GPA is good and I am fine with them.

I hate people who freak out about grades.  I have never freaked out about a grade, not fucking ever.  A lot of people I know react like it’s life or death, and maybe for them it is.

For me?

Grades don’t matter that much to me.  What are grades after college?  A GPA, little rattle of numbers to be looked upon during job interviews.  Ten years down the road, are people going to ask you about your GPA?

No, I feel like they aren’t.  I feel like grades once you get into the real world are just numbers, meaningless numbers.  Like, that’s been my position on grades since middle school.  They don’t freaking matter.  Are you failing?  No?  Good.  I am not an over achiever, I have a tendency to try my best and see where that goes.   If it doesn’t take me to an A, but a B?  GREAT!  I FREAKING TRIED.

I apologize for the ranty post.  I just got super irritable because Mayzie was like, “Hey, I got a 4.0, it’s perfect just like me (NOT).  Wat did youg et?  Why won’t you tell me, did you fail?  You failed didn’t you.”  I don’t care if she’s joking, if I don’t want to share it’s none of your goddamn fucking business what I got.

Better.

Prepare for a whiny post!

I thought I would warn you all before you start reading that this post will be whiny, rant filled, a little angry in parts and generally bitchy.  Just forewarning in case you don’t want to hear my rant.

So Mayzie la Bird is a friend of mine.  We’re usually on good terms, but as of late she’s been getting on nerves.  This happens yearly.  We have a good phase then we have a phase where every last thing she does and says to me makes me want to rip her face off and show her how stupid/ ignorant/ insane/ judgmental she’s being.  But she doesn’t see it because she’s Mayzie.

A friend from home, we’ll call her Pixie, came to visit this weekend.  She’s having a rough time with her beau and he’s being a jerk.  So she wanted some comfort.  After the week I’ve had, i didn’t quite know if I could comfort her.  I’m pretty much dead right now.  Amy Pond’s circumstances have gotten better, but she’s still not home.  My work load has increased ten fold because my teacher realized she’d left out a major presentation on the syllabus but she wants to keep it in the class anyway.  I also have student teaching forms to file, another student teaching meeting this week, so much due, tests, projects, lesson plans, and just so much.  (be on the look out for poems about how busy I am)

So I’m tense, a little irritable and trying my best to be sociable.  I called up Mayzie’s roommate SteamPunk to ask if we, Pixie and I, could come and get breakfast tomorrow.  Last time I spoke to SteamPunk, I expressed an interest in having her and Pixie meet.  Pixie, with her rough time, could always use a friend and I think they’d be really good friends.  SteamPunk said yes and I was all happy cause we were gonna get breakfast and be happy.

Then Mayzie writes on my facebook wall, for all the internet to see, and I quote “Way to not call me that Pixie was here! And way to scare SteamPunk and I since we thought something was wrong. Way to be.”  (Names have been changed).

Normally, this would have prompted a sorry your highness response and a very snarky commentary.  but after the week I’ve had an the weeks I’m going to have, I just lost my shit.  I was angry and hurt and kept thinking, you could have just texted me.

First off bitch, Pixie came to visit me.  ME.  Not you.  I do not have to alert you every time someone from home visits me.

Second, I get that you care, but a call in the relatively early hours of the evening asking for breakfast is not cause for scare, concern, or worry.  SteamPunk did not freak out, but was just curious as to why I called.  Maybe you were worried.  WHY?  Because I called to ask about breakfast?  so yes, thank you for guilting me too.

Finally, you sound like a goddamn thirteen year old.  Grow up Mayzie.

There… I think I feel better.  I’m just… normally this wouldn’t phase me at all, but I’m so stressed about Amy Pond in the hospital and I’m dealing with a lot of her stuff, mainly family and giving information which I am not great at.  I’ve got so much work and my expenses for the summer are already taking over my bank account because I have to get pool membership so I can take the kids I nanny, there’s an iPad to be bought for classes and such next year, and much more to the list.

Thank god for my boy, he’s gets me through so much.

Thank god for Azure Lights too, she’s been super helpful and an amazing listener the past few days.

There, now I actually feel better.

I’m off to meet up with Pixie and then get to the dining hall for breakfast with SteamPunk and Mayzie.  To top it off, I look fucking fantastic.

Eat your heart out bitch

I missed a day!

Oh noes!  I missed a day!  AHHH

I’m sorry.

That sounds insincere, even in my head.  I am sorry you guys, today was my frist day of break and I should have posted.  That sounds better.

I was in a great mood an hour ago, maybe even less.

Stupid Hockey (my roommate, not the sport).

Why am I swearing at her?  Well, let me begin.

I gt back from class and started watching Digimon on Youtube.  I just wanted t find something to mindless to do for a bit.  I was really tired and really out of it, so watching videos seemed like a good idea.  So I hear her come home and I just pretend to sleep.  I was feeling introverted and just wanted to be alone.  She stopped by later, bugged me a little, then left.  I fell asleep and got ready cause…

ABEL AND TECH SPECS VISITED!!!  It was super nice that they came up, it made me really happy to see them.  I made spice cake, we talked, we went out to dinner (sans Hockey) and got back, played video games and watched Pitch Perfect.  They just left and they made me really happy.

You know who doesn’t make me happy?

Hockey.

Every time people are over, she has t be in the room, in the middle of everything.  Not in a polite way either.  She has to be right up in your face about everything.  She’s a bitchy brat and she acts like this only around guys.  She stares at my boyfriend, she flirts with my guy friends, and she basically makes me look bad.

Now, I can make myself look bad just fine.  It’s nto that hard, I have flaws.  But she calls me crazy and weird and points out every thing that could be construed as different and turn it around so that it looks horrible.  She’s awful.  She makes me feel horrible about myself.  I only have a few more months of living here,  I can do this.

She just makes me feel awful.

To top it off, usually my boy is here to cuddle and sleep next to me.  However he had a late day and an early one tomorrow for work, so I told him to stay home.  I miss him and his warmth and good feelings.  He doesn’t like Hockey either.

Why am I still hungry, I don’t know…

Maybe I’ll have some pears.

Pears are tasty.

Ugh…

She’ll be at work tomorrow.  Hopefully for a very long time.  I”m not usually alone with her, but Azure and Amy are gone for a few days so I can’t lean on them for support.  I just want her to understand that as part introvert, I like to be alone.  I don’t need her to talk to me…

I really want my by here.

Cause I just really want a hug now.

Ok, no more whining.  I am going to make myself a snack.  I’m going to read more of Game of Thrones.  I’m going to take my melatonin and then I am going to sleep.  When I wake up tomorrow, I am going t have a god breakfast, and I am going to have a good, stress free day.

Let’s do this.

 

 

I hate when Professors…

Give us a test on material we haven’t yet brought up in class.

My professor for reading is giving us a test today.  I’ve been reading the textbook like she asked us to, but she neglects to tell the entire class that this test isn’t on that textbook.

IT’S ON THE OTHER TEXTBOOK THAT NO ONE HAS OPENED YET

This is bullshit, lots of bullshit.

She literally dumped this on us two days ago.  I’ve been reviewing the study guide and am now so frustrated that this has happened.

GRRRR

A rant and apology of sorts

I guess this has been weighing on my mind for a bit, but I haven’t been able to voice it until now because I haven’t had the motive to.

My name is The Audiophile Blonde.  Once upon a time I had a friend named Blackbird.  We met while I was in high school.  He was a friend of a friend and we hit it off as friends right away.  Then I started dating ex #4.  While we dated, Blackbird and I became good, close friends.  The kind of friends who occasionally flirted with one another on occasion.  We were strange, brother and sister like, then… not at all brother and sister like.  It was like that for two, almost three years while I dated ex #4.  Towards the end of that relationship, Blackbird admitted to me that he liked me.  I knew I liked it him, but it wasn’t something I was okay with admitting.

Why?  It’s not that he isn’t a good guy, he has his moments.  However, I know him (knew him) too well.  I knew his motives with women, I knew how he felt for me.  I knew it was physical and fragile and friendly all at once.  And it was not stable.  I am a big fan of stable, and he wasn’t to me.  I needed a stable man in my life and Blackbird… I am usually the stable one.  I was his friend, the giver of advil and back rubs and hugs and advice.  I still am.

So ex #4 and I broke up.  Blackbird swooped in and we flirted and talked and got… a little intimate over skype because we were both at colleges far far away from each other.  There promises of when break happened… but that didn’t happen.  Ex #5, the one I usually end up ranting about, came along and he was stable.  He was wonderful.  Thus Blackbird had our first large separation   Then ex #5 and I broke up and Blackbird came back.  We fought.  We fought and stopped speaking.  Until July.  Then we picked it up like we had never stopped talking, like friends again.  We flirted and skyped and he knew I didn’t want to do much more than fight.  I flirted.  He tried to kiss me and I told him no.  We flirted more and then we told me what he wanted from me.  Sex.

I admit I lead him on.  I admit it here and that I am sorry for it.

This is going to turn into a bit of letter now…

Blackbird,

I’m not sure if you’ll ever actually read this, but it’s worth a shot to write it out.  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I lead you on this grand chase for many years with no prize at the end.  I’m sorry if I hurt you, because you need to know that I would never mean to hurt you.  I wouldn’t.  I care about you, I care about everyone!  You once told me that caring about lost causes would be down fall.  You know it.  I’m sorry to hurt you.  I am sorry.

I am not sorry for telling you no to sex.  I am not sorry that I am not a prize to be won.  You know me.  YOU KNOW ME!  You know that the only way any man gets anywhere near these lips or hips or any other part of me that involves fun, intimate, sexy things is if they have the intention of dating me.  I have told you from day one and you know that about me.  You expect that to change?  I CAN’T CHANGE LIKE THAT.  I can’t.  I have to be in stable relationship before sexy times happen.  Otherwise it leaves my heart to be broken and you know I avoid pain like the plague.

Argh.

You infuriate me, but I care.  I want to be your friend, but if you need time, I understand.  I have patience.  If you don’t want to be friends again, then…

I will have lost a good man.

Either way, remember the good times.  Remember the hair, adventures with our daughter, drunken talks, jump hugs, hugs in general, skype, back rubs, getting drunk at college, remember that laughter and smiles and the good things.  Remember the Wolf and Red.  Remember the make up room and everything.  Remember the happiness.

The Audiophile Blonde