Swing Forward, Swing Back

One moment I am angry

Red tinted vision and grunted monosyllables

Anti social and vivid words, harsh

Abrasive against the soft ache of exhaustion

 

(Up

Down

Back

Forth)

 

Sleep begs at the corners of my mouth

As the desire to mingle among the cotton sheets

And lay my head on such plush pillows

Just to sleep and dream and forget about my troubles

 

(Up

Down

Back

Forth)

 

The, as suddenly as it was there

The tiredness is gone, warmth and ease replacing anguish

Smiles, chuckles, giggles, and good cheer all around

Dizzy, I’m spinning from the recoil

 

(Up

Down

Back

Forth)

 

I swing, momentum creating circles

Dizzying, drugged by hormones, emotions, stress, elation

I just want my swing to still

But I cannot, I cannot stop this swing

 

(Up

Down

Back

Forth)

A Certain lullaby

Like a familiar tune, it comes in waves

peaceful, perfect, sleep inducing

 

The semi silent whir of oscillating blades

Starts that melody of my certain lullaby

 

Rustling of cotton sheets against the freshly cleaned skin

Permeates the whisper of the mechanical AC from down the hall

 

Turning pages, careless pillow fluffs, and kicks thudding against a downy comforter

bring a strange cadence that weighs heavily on my drooping eye lids

 

Finally that warm body curls closer to mine and that steady heart beat

Is what finally lulls me under in this certain sleepy lullaby.

Where did she go?

He recalls that face, that tan skin

and the freckles across her nose that she hated

along with so many other imperfections

That he couldn’t see on her frightfully lovely body

 

The brittle nails that snapped, the stomach

That always growled, the shoulders slumped

downward, frail.  She had always been frail,

his winter born friend, his ice girl.

 

Where did she go?  In the volumes of fabric that

She carefully curved and layered over

The bones in her wrists, the points of her hips

and the breaks between rib bone and rib bone

 

He searches for the little ice girl, his little ice girl

Frantic amongst all the uneaten food and the sterilized sheets

Is she there?  Where is she?  Panic rises only to quell when

He sees her, a speck among tubes and  blipping machines

 

There she is, but he isn’t sure if she’s really there

Her cheeks are hallow and the laugh, like winter wind

Is nothing more than a puff of smoke.

Where did she go?

 

He’ll get his little ice girl back, strong like

Diamonds, he’ll give her his strength to clothe her

His love to feed her and all that he has to watch her

Come back, come back to him.

 

(Just a quick little update.  I know a lot of my poems are happy and good and just kind of girly.  But I write that way because writing the dark stuff tends to leave me spinning and a little scared.  It’s scary.   I’m sorry not all my poems are deep, but I do my best to write what I can.  I thought this was ok, I think…  Also, I don’t have any sort of eating disorder.  At one point when i was younger, I refused toe at for fear of throwing up.  It was a very bad time for me and that’s kind of where I draw this from.)

Love

Love thy friends

For they will pick you up drunk

and pick you up from the dark corners of your head

Laughter created and memories made

Love thy friends

(blessing)

 

Love those who are different from you

No matter how scary they can be

They are people like you and me

And so long as they do not hurt anyone

Love those who are different from you

(accept)

 

Love thy animals

Both big and small, for all bring big comfort

Do not abandon them to the shelter

Keep them, for you are their everything

Love thy animals

(caring)

 

Love thy partner

For they make you smile. Be their light and

They shall be yours.  Treat them with golden kindness

In return, golden bands that span eternity

Love thy partner

(adoration)

 

Love thyself

For you are amazing

Exactly, promptly, perfectly

The way you are

Love thyself

(happiness)

 

Walk a mile in my shoes

They say it’s not easy being green

But being blonde can be hard too

Probably not as difficult as being green it

(although Kermit seems to thoroughly enjoy it)

 

It’s difficult being a college student

Papers, projects, lesson plans

For us busy as worker bees education majors

(but hey, I voluntarily signed up for this)

 

Sometime’s it hard just being a girl

Dealing with all the problematic pieces that our

Culture presents to us, in order to be perfect

(personally, I think I’m a ten pounds of cute in a five pound bag)

 

Walk a mile in my boots, with music thrumming in your ears

Get from the apartment to campus without forgetting much

Sit through class, pass notes, get coffee

(you’d better put plenty of cream and sugar in it)

 

Walk a mile in my shoes, holding hands with him

Smiling, smirking, laughing, giggling

Feel that warm of peace and love

(especially post coitus and before he leaves for work)

 

Walk a mile in my shoes, holding the hands of child

Teach, but don’t force, allow them to figure things out

Share hugs and wisdom, but lots of hugs

(no seriously, plenty of hugs for the little kids!)

 

Walk a mile in my shoes

and find out what it’s like to

Be me

(cause i think it’s fantastic)