Good Morning!

It’s eight o’clock here and I have actually been awake since six.  Maybe because I was trying to convince my boy that his phone was an hour off and if he didn’t get out of bed, he’d be late for work.  Or maybe it’s because I AM GOING BACK TO PRE SCHOOL TODAY!

Now, for those of you who have only recently started following me, let me recap.  from September to December of 2012, I had a field placement in a pre school classroom not too far from college.  I fell absolutely in love with my students, and everyday I went there, I felt good about myself.  Now, around the end of September, my (then boyfriend) dumped me unexpectedly and I was pretty much at a loss for what to do.  There were a lot of people who helped me out at that time.  One of them was a blogger, a couple were my roommates, one of them was Call Me Maybe, another was Horsing Around.  I had so many influences that helped me get better and helped me become a better person.

One of the biggest ones was my pre schoolers.  No matter what was happening in my life, whether it be school or homework or social problems or boys, they were there for me.  Now, I don’t mean there for me in the traditional sense that they let me vent and talk and cry.  These kids always came in with smiles and hugs and they would take me away from my life and my problems.  It also helped because I could see the impact I had on them.  I watch a child who had trouble in social situations get better and make friends.  I watched them grow and laugh and learn.  It’s a beautiful thing, a wonderful thing.

I’m so excited to go back and visit them.  i get the feeling though that my heart will probably break when I have to leave today, but I don’t give a damn.  I miss my kids.

The passage of time in children

I know I see the passage of time best through books and photographs of days, months, years before my time.  I see progression as time and all of non linear wibbly wobbly timey wimey ball of stuff.  However, tonight kind of rocked my world, tilted my axis so to speak.

Tonight I went babysitting.

The two boys I babysit are kids I have known for most of their lives.  One if six and the other is four.  I nannied for them this summer and I really enjoyed seeing them everyday, even if they did drive me up a wall sometimes.  Seeing them everyday made me aware to plenty of tiny changes in their life, especially just normal little ones.  I watched as they got through camp and as they interested with all their friends.  I watched them learn to ride bikes

The last time I saw them it was August.  Now….

THey both got taller and one has glasses.  They both still smile and hug me, but I could see the passage of time on them.  It was terrifying.  It was wonderful.

Both boys are growing up and while I may want them to stay little for longer, they can not.  Watching them grow up is a privilege.

I sound like a sap, god dammit where is my boyfriend when I need a hug?

Ugh, ok any other things I shouldn’t mention.  Dad had surgery today and he is doing better.  The house is tense and I want to to be Christmas so that the cheer infects every one and has them smile.  I want to spend another night in my apartment bed with my boyfriend snuggled up next to me.  I want to go back to my pre schoolers and teach them.  I want to see my two favorite boys everyday.  I want all this happiness because the house is crazy and happiness balances out crazy.


Thankful Post

A friend of mine has been doing a thankful post a day for each day of the month.  I think I shall do twenty three things/ groups/ items/ happenstances I am thankful for.  (twenty three days so far in this month.)

1. I am thankful for my family.  I have a mother, father, brother, grandparents, and three cats.  (There is more to the family than that, but now is not the time for the complexities that are my family’s issues with one another).  I am thankful that they not only care for me, pay for my education, and keep me in the state of living which I have become accustomed to, but because they love me.  Even my seventeen year old brother tells me he loves me.  I am so thankful for all the things they have taught me and all the things they give for me.  I love them.

2.  I am thankful for my three very amazing, awesome, super special apartment mates.  Now, as I will tell, I only really like two of my apartment mates.  The third… is kind of a bitch.  so why do I mention three here?  Because there is … sort of a third?  he’s there a lot and he’s been a great friend and we all love him to pieces and you know who you are.  To my actual two roommates, I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you both in my life.  I am truly blessed.  I am thankful that you all put up with my bitching and whining and complaining and mood swings and that drama that follows me.  To show my thanks, I’m making dinner this week.  And making you tea!

3. I am thankful for Mouse.  Mouse is my cat.  Not mine… but she is ours, my apartment mates and I’s.  She came into our lives ina tumultuous time and she is a beacon of crazy that I love.  MOUSE, MOMMY LOVES YOU!!!!!

4. I am thankful for my beds, both at my apartment and at home.  I love beds.  I do my best writing and plotting in beds.  Beds are also very comfortable and allow me to sleep.  Sleep is wonderful.  Thank you beds, I am so thankful I can fall into you and you’ll hug me with your warmth.

5. I am thankful for a very special man in my life. Not only did he swoop in when I was at my lowest point, he’s been there ever since.  He is amazing and so sweet to me.  He listens and does his very best to make me smile.  I am thankful that he is in my life because he reminds me that I am a good person, that I am cute, and that I am amazing.

6. I am thankful for tea in the night time, the non caffeinated variety.  It has really helped with my stress levels as of late and really keeps me more stable.  I am also thankful that it is just so darn tasty.

7. I am thankful for my new gal pal.  Anonymous blog, no names mentioned, but she’s such a sweetheart.  She is a lot like me and, coincidentally, we met up because we both dated the same stupid guy.  We’re awesome and she is, without a doubt, some one I am very thankful for.

8. I am thankful for books.  If you can’t tell, I am a bibliophile.  I have a serious book reading addiction.  I am thankful that I can find them, read them, reread them and love them.

9. I am thankful for coffee in the mornings.  Coffee, you delightful creature.  You help me get out of bed, into my skinny jeans and out into the world.  You encourage me to keep moving, keep going all the time.  Thank you

10.  I am thankful for my health.  Despite the colds, seasonal affective disorder and other odds and ends problems, I am in relatively good health.  I am thankful for it and I am happy to be able to get out of bed and do what I need to do.

11.  I am thankful for my kids.  I did not get pregnant and physically birth these children, but I am attached to my pre-schoolers and to many of the kids I babysit.  I am so thankful that they bring such light into my life.  I don’t know where I’d be without them.  Certainly I wouldn’t be at college….

12.  I am thankful for birth control, specifically the nuva ring.  NOT because I sleep around and hate taking the pill.  Because I had surgery on my thumb when I was eighteen and the surgery stopped my period and the nuva ring started it back up again and now regulates it and stops my periods from sending me to the hospital.  YAY!

13. I am thankful for my friends from home.  I don’t know who will read this, if any, but I love you all.  Seriously, I could not have made it this far without you.

14. I am thankful for my friends at school.  While I was quite the introvert freshmen year, I now have a great group of people who I know I can count on for anything.

15. I am thankful for my ex boyfriend who taught me how to shoot.  I’m pretty sure he looks back on it now and thinks… why did I teach her how to use another deadly weapon? What on earth was I thinking?  I am a pretty decent shot too.  Not great, but I can definitely hit where I am.  Should I need the skill, I now have it.  On the other hand, I feel like at this point, that’s all I can be thankful for from him.  He was an asshole.

16. I am thankful for hot showers.  No explanation needed because hot showers are so amazing.

17.  I am thankful for my laptop.  Not just because it’s a bitchin’ piece of technology, but because I don’t intentionally abuse, but I do.  I am thankful it continues to boot up everyday and let me go about my daily life online.  Thank you!

18. I am thankful for BBC and their wonderful programming.  Seriously, you guys write an amazing show.  WELL DONE!  Doctor Who, Torchwood, Merlin… seriously, you kick ass at this.

19. I am thankful for being legal to drink.  I am legal so now I don’t feel terrible about drinking.  I enjoy a hard cider or two with friends.  It’s wonderful.

20. I am thankful for my college education.  Without it, I’d have much less of a future.  I’d have much less of a life.  Thank you.

21. I am thankful for New York City.  You give me something to dream about on these cold winter nights.  I dream of wandering your well walked streets until I find the pulse of the city.

22. I am thankful for the stability of my companions.  You are all always there for me in some capacity, shape or form.  My life is erratic and my heart is so crazy that I simply must thank you for existing.

23.  I am thankful for YOU!  All of you!  My followers, fellow bloggers, wonderful amazing fantastic effing people.  I love you all beyond words.