Hormones (and a very interesting visitor)

Before I get into my big point, I’d like to note that I got 22 vies today all from one person…  While I am flatter, still a little concerned.  They are from the US, so I assume it’s one of my friends checking in on me.

So, to the main point of this post is my hormones.  Like many women, I get particularly hormonal at certain times of the month.  While I have birth control that helps with that, I can still be quite the bear when I want to be.  However, my hormones usually get me to this point once a month where I literally am at a loss.

I get exceptionally mood swing-y.  I go from happy to sad to meh to angry to normal in a few hours, or minutes.  I see mistakes in everything I do and in my person.  I see myself as un pretty, as a failure, as a general bad human being.  I second guess everything and apologize a lot.  For example, my boy had an almost accident today and I was really scared.  He told me what happened and all I could say was, No getting hit by cars!

I just thought it was so stupid and pointless and crazy and I was like stupid stupid stupid.  And so I made sure that later he knew that I was glad he was safe and sound and that I loved him.  He was still shaken up about it later and I made sure to tell him that I was glad he was safe and that I was sorry I belittled it and that He is so important to me.

It’s little stuff like that.  It just drives me up a wall that I do things and it sounds so bad to me.

Pretty in Pink and I are texting and she’s helping a lot.  My boy is so understanding and he knows that this time of month I’m just crazy and he understands that.  He gets that. He’s amazing.

I’m sorry about all the ranting that just happened.  I love you guys for putting up with me.

On the list of good things that happened today, I went driving a lot with Amy Pond and I did really well.  we went shopping and I bought some spot treatment from LUSH.  We tried on pretty dresses and we just had a good day.  I even made dinner (baked potatoes and broccoli).  Now I’m at home because tomorrow… I GO SEE THE ADDAMS FAMILY!!!! I am super excited and crazy happy about it.  🙂

I hope that your weekends are going well!

Don’t Forget To Be Awesome!

Some Sunshine with the Rain

metaphorically speaking of course, although somewhat literal.  The weather here has been somewhat unpredictable this time around.   Cold one day, sunny and warm, raining, snowing, windy to the point where Mary Poppins should have been floating around while other, lesser nannies were being blown away.  However, the weather is not the point of this post.

So I have Mononucleosis.  I am tired all the time and my lymph node on one side of my neck is much larger than the other one.  I have a serious amount of gunk in my nose and my body literally can’t get enough sleep.  I went to the doctor’s yesterday and she prescribed me some antibiotics for strep because she isn’t unconvinced that I don’t have it, some steroids to get the swelling down in my neck, and some pain killers for the serious amount of my pain I’m in when I swallow.  That was lovely.  Then I got blood work done.

To put it lightly, I am not a fan of needles.  However, they only needed to take two vials of blood so I did okay.  I had not eaten all day though.  So my mom and I got out of the doctor’s office and I started feeling dizzy and light headed.  Quickly. we went to Olive Garden and I had strawberry lemonade and chicken and gnocchi soup.  It tasted really good, but I couldn’t do much else.  I looked like death and felt worse.  We took the rest of lunch to go and returned home where I slept for a few more hours.  I felt so pathetic that I couldn’t even get through lunch after blood being drawn.  I felt worse than pathetic, useless and a burden.

The nap and copious amounts of advil helped, but I still woke up feeling really sad.  So I sat and talked with my mum.  She’s being super supportive and helpful and very nice.  I won’t be back in classes until Wednesday, should probably email teachers about that….   Okay, will do that in a bit.  So I got through my crappy day with lots of sleeping and reading and talking.

My boyfriend stopped by last night, cause he said he would and that made me really happy.  He surprised me at the door with flowers.  A bouquet of flowers that were yellow and red and pink and cheery.  I couldn’t have been more surprised and happy.  I love getting flowers but I rarely get them from anyone.  I was so happy.  He makes me so happy.  He put one in my hair and we went downstairs to cuddle and we talked and it was wonderful.  🙂

With all the metaphorical rain, I did get a bit of sunshine.

Hello Inner Klutz, it’s been a few days

Hi there inner klutz, no please, just sit.  If you keep wandering around you’re more likely to break something else. *crash*  sigh…

Well. I hadn’t really done anything heinously kltuzy.  Although I have a few bruises, those pop up whenever I bump into things so I don’t count that.

I wanted to go into the basement and sit and use my laptop.  I need to use my laptop in the basement because it’s the only other place in the house with three pronged outlets.  I didn’t bring home my adapter because I was under the impression that I was going back to my college apartment in a few days.  Not anymore!  My dad has a hernia and he’s getting surgery soon which means I have to stay here and help out.  Which means I don’t know if I”ll be able to see my pre schoolers on friday, so I am attempting to schedule a meeting with them on Wednesday.  I really want to see them.  Those kids really do make my life better.

But I have to be here or Mom will yell about how I’m not helping or I’m in the way or something.

Back to the story.

Without my adapter my laptop needs to charge in the living room or in the basement.  I went to take it from the living room to the basement because the basement is nice and quiet and in my haste I did not see that my father charger cord for his laptop was tangled with mine.  So I tried to take my charger and BAM!  His laptop came tumbling down.

Fuck.

He just gave me this really horrible look and told me that if I broke his laptop, I was paying for it.  I did not break it.  It was fine.

I’m just upset.  And I know he’s stressed out about the surgery, no one likes going under the knife.  I know.  I know Mom is cracking because she hates this time of year.  I know my brother is… well… fine strangely enough.  The tension from my parents though is killing me and all I want to do is grab my guy and cuddle and cry until i feel less like breaking apart at the seams.

Damn you Winter blues and accompanying mood swings.

Damn you inner klutz!

No stop!*crash, bam, smack*

Maybe you should just stop moving.  Even then, she’d still break something

Winter Blues Problems 1

Ugh, this is why I stay in bed.

The Winter Blues make me so worried about everything.  Every little last thing worries me.  If you have a conflict with me, then it’s going to cause at least twice the stress of the average conflict because this time of year makes me crazy.  If there’s stress in the house or the apartment, then as an empathetic person I hold on to it.  It makes me sad and crazy because my hold over my own emotions is so tenuous.  That’s why I like happy people, they make me happy.

I woke up early and now all I want to do is sleep.  Perhaps I’ll fit in a nap between running around and visiting people.

Cuddles, I desire cuddles